A One Time Thing
by Mint18
Summary: My walls are up, my sheets are down, do you want to stay the night? (It's a one-time thing of course.) Sometimes when you walk into a bar to lose yourself you might just get lucky and find yourself instead.
1. Chapter 1

_My walls are up, my sheets are down, do you want to stay the night? (It's a one-time thing of course.) Sometimes when you walk into a bar to lose yourself you might just get lucky and find yourself instead._

Her name was Emma. That was all she ever told anyone anyway and this wasn't the first time he'd seen her in here. It was always the same. Tonight like every other night she'd been in, she was here to forget. Forget what? He didn't know but he'd watched her each night as tears starting spilling down her cheeks after she'd ordered a few rounds.

Sometimes she would leave with a guy, Killian supposed it was part of the forgetting, gaining mindless pleasure from a clueless man. He never saw her with the same guy twice, her offer of companionship it appeared was only ever a one-time thing. Not that some men didn't try for a second night. There were plenty that wanted a second go. She had garnered somewhat of a reputation amongst the local men and they were all up for the challenge of trying to crack her twice, but she never ever let a single one of them in a second time. Killian wondered how she could stand it, the cat-calling and the boozy abuse, it never seemed to phase her, but then again he supposed she was already crying most nights. Perhaps whatever insults the intoxicated regulars could come up with were trivial compared to the issues that drove her to the bar in the first place.

One night stands can't break you- or so she thought. That was her mantra of thinking and forgetting and trying again. Her very few friends told her all the time that she should expect more from people and that she was worth more. Secretly she knew they were wrong. She knew that she had never been worth anything, otherwise she never would have been abandoned in the first place let alone over and over again.

So now she doesn't listen to them. Years ago she locked away her heart and turned her left over pain into single minded determination and now she shuts everyone out. The only exceptions were those of her friends who already knew too much to be pushed away. They were the only people she trusted, but even they didn't know everything. She used her carefully-constructed walls to keep everyone out so if (when) they did leave her it wouldn't hurt quite so much.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Killian thinks this woman must have been burned twice over judging by the fierce look twinkling in her eye tonight as she endures the cat-calling from some of the drunker men in the bar. And tonight he wonders if these men might not just get a little more than they bargained for…

It's almost imperceptible the moment she snaps and he so nearly misses it, the movement is so subtle. One moment she is taking a sip of her drink and the next she is frozen. Nothing seems amiss. Perhaps she is listening closer to a conversation going on across from her at the bar but he sees it. The fire in her eyes has cooled (but never died) instead it has been replaced by pain.

He is close enough to catch her as she falls from her stool and if anything the look in her eye says she wasn't expecting anyone to notice her fall, let alone catch her. It is immediately awkward and he notices that she refuses to catch his eye as he places her upright again. The tears have returned. Perhaps she thinks he is only trying to win her favour for the night. He swears to himself up and down on the spot that that will never be the case but he understands too that she may never believe that.

'Anything I can help you with love?' It is the first time they have spoken and Killian is surprised to find that he sounds nervous. It comes as even more of a shock when he realises he really is genuinely nervous. When did this happen?

'No thank you I'm fine.' Her response is biting, almost rude but he recognises a defensive mechanism when he sees one. There is a look in her eyes that he can't quite place, it is wild and frenzied almost like a caged animal that is desperately looking for an escape route that might not exist. He steps away immediately to give her some space and is slightly disappointed when she takes it and more. She bolts out the door as soon as she is far enough away from him and all he gets is a hurried 'thank you' thrown over her shoulder as she disappears through the door.

He doesn't see her for quite some time after this incident and he begins to wonder whether this time she might actually stay away, when all of a sudden she is back and drinking with the regular Thursday night crowd. Tonight things are rather more rowdy than usual and he wonders whether her presence might have anything to do with that. After all most of the men in here know her and her reputation and know that all they have to do is earn her favour to guarantee themselves a night of pleasure.

He takes it upon himself to ensure that that doesn't happen. To make sure that tonight Emma is left alone, thought he isn't quite sure why he is so determined to make sure that she is left alone. All he knows is that she won't be used anymore, he won't allow it and he is determined. When did he become so protective of a woman he barely knows?

The first man who tries it on is so drunk he can barely and stand and Killian has no trouble whatsoever getting rid of him. One quick precise hand gesture summons the manager of the bar (Robin) and gets him kicked out. The second is a little trickier. He is smooth and sober and clearly new in town (though not so new that news of Emma's reputation hasn't reached him.) This one Killian is tempted to punch. He doesn't give a damn about Emma. All he gives a damn about is that she is conventionally beautiful and ready to 'put out.' No questions asked. Killian doubts Emma ever even learns the names of all her 'suitors.' He wonders if she (or they) even care.

She hasn't been able to stop thinking about him since the night he saved her from falling flat on her arse at that bar. For christ's sake she doesn't even know the name of the quiet man who usually sits at the distant bar stool. Who somehow managed to reach across and catch her before she fell. All she knows is that he's hot, he has an _amazing_ accent and he didn't try anything despite it being very clear that he was familiar with her reputation. All he wanted to do was help her. And she has never met anyone who actually genuinely cared about her and now she can't erase him from her mind. He has never tried to gain her attention before and because of this he has her curious. Every man who has heard that she willingly puts out wants a turn. But not him. For some unfathomable reason he is determined to act like a gentlemen and not take advantage of her fragile state like everyone else. She wonders why, she has never met a man who would not take what is readily available and easily achievable. Perhaps that's her cynicism talking but she has never met a man who is interested in anything else to do with her and unless the offer of sex has been on the table. Still she is grateful he saved her from further embarrassment. Whether he is playing a game with her or not she will always owe him for that.

They are almost friendly the next couple of time she comes into the bar, though she never speaks to him, him can sometimes feel her eyes on the back of his neck from where he sits. She never approaches him and never says anything but she always acknowledges him as she leaves the bar even when she has company in tow. Every time she leaves, he promises next is the time he will talk to her, next time is the time he will approach her and yet each time he lets her go and time seems to slip away from them both.

Each time as she leaves, she nods to him on her way out. This is the closest she will get to a new friendship and though she is sure he does not appreciate her walls he seems to understand them and why she can't approach him and thank him properly. Sometimes though she does wonder whether it would be the right thing to do to learn his name. She asks around occasionally trying to find out what his name is or anything else about him but no one seems to know anything at all about the mysterious man with the accent.

That protective instinct in him won't go away. He's learnt over the last few weeks (after a particularly nasty 'misunderstanding') that he can't chase away all her suitors so he opts for those who fall into his bracket of 'scum of the earth.' He wonders if she's actually noticed what he's doing, and whether she would thank him or scorn him if she did. Not that it is likely she's noticed anything at all, no one as beautiful as Emma would have someone like him on her radar. He continues anyway, chasing away those men who he knows don't care about Emma at all only about themselves and what they have to gain.

He has no idea anymore what is going on with her but he wonders if she might be playing some kind of game with him. Every time she leaves now she seems closer and closer to actually saying something to him and each time she turns away instead it only hurts more. For some reason this woman is slowly killing him and he can't take it anymore. He resolves that next times this happens he's going to follow her. It is time to find out more about this mysterious girl.

She knows he's watching her from the minute she steps into the bar. Though she's notice him staring before she is not certain that it has ever been this open. But she does know that he's chasing away some of her suitors and some of the ones she values the most too. The ones that don't ask any questions because they don't care. They want sex and that's all that matters to them and that makes pretending so much easier. Both parties get what they want, then they part ways and everyone's happy, so why won't this guy just let her be? Why does he even care if she's throwing her life away?

She knows he's following her before she's even made a block. He's not exactly being subtle but then again maybe that's not the aim. The pieces click into place for her. It is all an elaborate set up, he's playing some kind of game with her. Well, she hasn't had one this creative in a while and it makes a change. She keeps her pace leisurely but changes the style of her walk just enough to keep his attention and make sure he's following close…

He doesn't hesitate following her out the door when she leaves, he is up and walking before the door has even closed behind her, rum forgotten behind him. Tonight her games stop and he'll be damned if he doesn't get a straight answer out of this woman. Why is she teasing him? He knows it's a game but what if this is her way of getting him to follow her? Maybe she thinks he was too shy to speak up at the bar about his desires and this is her way of reassuring him. This isn't what he wants (well the way he wants it anyway) but maybe she does. It would certainly explain her current walking style anyway. She's using him! After he was trying to help her! He's definitely got a thing or two he wants to say to this woman…

 **A/N: This is just an idea I'm playing around with, currently unbeta'd but let me know what you think! Minty xx**


	2. Chapter 2

She left the door open for him when she entered her apartment. Now she is simply waiting, he can't be far behind her. She lights a few candles but otherwise changes nothing, she wants to play his game. It's intriguing and admittedly exciting and she hasn't felt like this ever. And against her better judgment, she's enjoying it. She doesn't have friends and she doesn't get a happy ending. She knows this but she's also hoping that he might be the one who finally lets her forget how utterly lonely she is. Currently, her apartment, like her life, is empty. The temporary relief she gains from most of her visitors helps, but it never chases the pain away fully. She craves something more permanent, but when abandonment is the only surety you've ever had in your life, trust is hard to come by. Tonight though she might just allow herself the hope that this one will be special and isn't just after the free ride she's offering.

He hesitates outside her door. This woman has taken him to her apartment, of course she has. Beautiful, stubborn, smart, ridiculously sneaky woman. He curses himself. This is ridiculous, he does want to get to know Emma better but not like this, she can have anything she wants but not this. His anger and frustration almost turns him around, he won't play her game. He won't come to her like a moronic puppy dog, tail between his legs as if too shy to ask her for what he wants. If that is what she thinks of him then perhaps it would be best if he were never to face her again. Maybe it would be better if he defied her and showed her that he doesn't really want it. That he isn't that kind of man at all. It'd probably be a first for her. Briefly he bitterly plots revenge against this woman and the embarrassing struggle she is putting him through right now. But he knows, he _knows_ he can't walk away. Not without knowing what the hell is going on and what on earth Emma's game is.

She undoes another button on her top as she hears his footsteps echoing in the lobby. Her door is the only one open on the bottom floor so he can't possibly miss it. But he still isn't coming through the door. Is he having second thoughts? It's not like it hasn't happened before but she still has to roll her eyes, men. Mostly they let their genitals rule their heads but sometimes they have moments of brilliance. What if for once one of them listens to their reason and common sense instead of being ruled by their desires? Disappointment floods through her. Does she really care if this man makes the right decision? No of course she doesn't. She absolutely would not care if he were to walk away. She doesn't let anyone into her life because they will inevitably hurt her further. He will understand when she keeps a friendly distance after their meeting tonight, after all he appeared to understand it after she abandoned all the others, didn't he?

The look on his face when he finally comes through the door isn't quite the look of lust she had expected. In fact it looks more like anger. It softens briefly into surprise when he notices how much her open top is now revealing but he is quick to hide it.

'What are you doing Emma?' He sounds resigned and even a little sad. This is not the game she was expecting from him. When she doesn't reply he asks again, politely in that gorgeous accent of his but she still doesn't know what to say.

'What kind of game are you playing with me Emma?'

'I don't know. What kind of game do you think I'm playing?' This time she is ready. If she ignores the tone in his voice, he could be any other guy she has come across in a bar.

His gaze drops briefly downward. 'Believe it or not I am not here to have sex with you.'

'Then why did you follow me? What do you want?' She can defend herself and her usual night time activities. That is what her walls are for. She'll show him. She has to.

'Well that very much depends on what you want Emma.'

'I don't want anything from you that I can't get from someone else.'

…

Their argument is brief but hurtful and they both leave it with barely concealed tears in their eyes, still biting back remarks they could have flung at the other to try and bury their own hurt a little deeper.

' _How could you think so little of me? I'm not a conquest!_ _I've been doing nothing but trying to help you since the night you fell off that bar stool!'_ Maybe he's not a conquest or a prize, but it's all she's ever been.

It makes today one of those days where she begins to question whether enduring the catcalls at the local bars are worth the temporary pain relief she finds or whether it is time to barricade herself away from the world completely in attempt to avoid causing herself or anyone else anymore pain.

' _Bullshit! You came here for the same reason all the others did mate! Whether you want to admit it or not, you don't care about me anymore than they did!'_ No matter how pure his intentions were, she would never believe he was a good guy, would she?

It makes him wonder what could possibly have happened to such a beautiful woman to make her hate herself so badly that the only self-worth she finds is in temporarily pleasuring horny men. What was it that happened that made her hate the world so deeply that she doesn't believe in the existence of good people anymore?

Then there is the moment that is haunting them both. The cathartic ending that came about whilst they were briefly stunned into silence as they both caught their breath.

' _I never caught your name.'_ She still isn't sure why she asked at all. It isn't like she will ever have to use it.

' _Killian Jones.'_ He had bowed mockingly. He still can't believe she had had the guts to talk at all, let alone fathom why he bothered replying to her. He is still trying to work out why he hadn't just stormed out the moment she started yelling. Though to be fair he hadn't been particularly mild mannered either.

' _Swan. Emma Swan.'_ And as if they had both reached a silent agreement settled by her name, their eyes had locked briefly. He had nodded to her, turned and finally left, giving them both the privacy they needed to cry.

Curled into a ball and unmoved from the spot she was in when he left, all she can focus on is the fact that he is actually gone. This man she doesn't know and shouldn't care about. She wants him back. She has of course given him every reason under the sun to hate her and doesn't have any realistic expectation that he will be back but now that she is alone again, the pain is worse than ever.

He makes it into the back of a taxi before he breaks down. All he wanted was to understand this clearly broken woman and instead all he had done was abuse her. He should go back and apologise. He wants to really, but it's late and she probably hates him and he can't bring himself to go back over there and hurt her anymore. She probably never wants to speak to him again, even if it is an apology. In the long run it might be better for both of them if he apologised but right now it's too painful.

All he wants her to know is that he's sorry. He really does care even if no one else ever has.

All she wants him to know is that she really does believe he cares. He isn't like the others. But she can't let him in, she isn't prepared to let go of her walls.

What they both want to know is:

They're total strangers. So why do they know-deep down- that they love each other?

How can that possibly be?

 _Thanks for your patience guys, the third chapter should be out shortly. And thanks again to each and every one of you who has read my stories, it means the world to me._

 _Minty xx_


	3. Chapter 3

_Did you still want to stay the night?_

It's the question that is on the tip of her tongue even though he has been gone for hours. An emptiness has settled around her, all through her apartment and worst of all through her. She is numb. She can't cry and she can't decide whether it is his fault of hers that they aren't waking up together this morning.

It is morning, she can see the sun through her window gradually chasing away the shadows that have stained the pathway below. She can't do anything to stop that anymore than she seems to be able to stop her life from spinning out of control.

She isn't a call girl. She has never in her life sought money for the services she has provided other men. It had always been as much about satisfying herself as about them, hadn't it?

She just wanted to feel something, anything other than her own pain. She wants rid of the mixture of exhaustion, disappointment, dejectedness and invisibility that has plagued her, her entire life. Is that really so bad? But now Killian has come through and is forcing her to question every decision she has ever made and every person she has ever pushed away. Had she ever really wanted this? No. But she could never see how she had had any other choice other than to try her damn hardest to repress her pain- and push everyone out in the process- instead of wallowing in it.

She had a good life as a bail bonds person and she made good money. She was not short on the privileges that life had to offer. The problem was that she had never wanted any of them. She didn't care for anything materialistic, hence the bare nature of her apartment. No the only things she had ever wanted were those that haunted everyone the most.

She just wanted to be loved and understood. She wanted that sense of belonging that had eluded her, her entire life. Who wanted to love the rejected orphan that had never been loved before? Clearly she was unlovable. There must be something wrong with her. That was why no one had ever chosen her.

Now Killian had come along and changed everything. She kept her walls up so that _no one_ could cause her any type of pain again. She was alone sure but it kept her safe from reopening her old wounds. And at least she had something in the company of the men she bedded. It was only temporary but it was something.

That was her reasoning. That was what had kept her safe. She had done what these people asked of her, gained their company and often gratitude and kept her heart safe. But that's not what Killian wanted. He wouldn't take her for the night. He had brought under scrutiny everything she had thought was helping her. And it was impossible and incredible.

And over.

Why would he want to talk to her again now after everything she'd said?

He wouldn't want to talk to her of course. This was going to end up being a one-time thing, just like every other time she brought a man home.

Killian took the day off work. He knew he shouldn't because there was so much to do to organise the next shipping order down at the docks, but he just couldn't face work today. His mind was with Emma.

He should have stayed. He should have made it right, but he didn't. He knew she was hurt and why wouldn't she be? He had made her feel cheap and used. He had completely degraded her, but still he hadn't stayed to fix it.

He spends the day pacing his apartment trying to find a solution to the problem he had caused. He has hurt this wonderful broken girl surely beyond repair when all he wanted to do was fix her. He wanted to take her out on a date and get to know her, not berate for her life choices. He had stuck his nose in where it clearly wasn't wanted (or needed) and given his opinion on a situation he knew nothing about.

How could he have been so stupid? How could he have ruined this before it had even begun? He knew from the minute that he helped her from that barstool that he wanted to spend more time with her. But he couldn't bring himself to ask her so instead he had followed her home?!

It sounded worse the more he thought about it. He wondered whether this was it. Was he going to turn into another of her one night clients? If he returned to the bar he always saw her at would she at least talk to him or was that the end of his turn?

Was this really just going to be a one-time thing?

He had no contact details, but he had her name and he knew her address. As a last resort he would return to her apartment to make this right but for now he was just going to hope that if he returned to the bar where they first met that she would talk to him.

The first few nights, they miss each other. Sometimes by fleeting seconds and other times by hours, each too busy second guessing when the other might return to simply stay for the whole evening.

She grudgingly returns to her usual night lifestyle. She can no longer deal with the pain of missing him. Let alone accept that she will never see him again. It is a temporary distraction plain and simple but it does its job.

The numbness has passed and now when she is sure the man she brought home with her is asleep, she lies awake and cries. All she can think about is one simple, terrible truth, one question; how did she manage to ruin one of the first things that happened to her that could have been truly good?

He doesn't sleep at all. If he is not prowling the streets looking for her, he is pacing his apartment restlessly. This is the fourth day he has had off work and he knows that his employees are starting to get worried. Without him the company will fall apart. If he does not return to work soon then they will all be left jobless. He knows he can't allow that to happen but at the same time he cannot bring himself to care enough to return while Emma and his guilt are eating him alive.

He doesn't think he can live with this much longer. If she is not at the bar tomorrow night then he will return to her apartment and if he has to, he will beg her to forgive him.

Tonight has to be the night, he has to show up tonight. Her new mantra plays in the back of her head as she enters Robin's bar yet again hoping that he will show. She has even dressed up especially for him tonight. She knows it will draw even more eyes than usual but tonight she doesn't care. All she is thinking about is him and how she can make it up to him. Maybe he'll still want that date…

She sits quietly in the corner ignoring the whispers and appreciative looks that pass her way. Normally she would sit front and centre at the bar and try to attract attention but for tonight she just wants to distance herself from it all. Before she knows it she is crying again. Though she hardly feels like that will surprise anyone in here, she seems prone to emotional outbursts whenever she is in this stupid place. She is surprised by how much this is affecting her though, all she wants to do now is make it right.

He spots her as soon as he walks in and she is radiant. He has never seen anyone more beautiful than Emma Swan and he will cherish her always. If she will let him. He's going to show her that he didn't mean a word of what he said the other night. He going to…

She's crying. How hadn't he noticed this earlier? Is she crying because of him? What if he can't make this right? Should he just go and try again another night? He makes to leave just as she looks up and their eyes catch across the bar. He is frozen but it seems so is she.

His body begins to move almost of its own free will towards her because surely he is so lost in her eyes right now that he has no control over anything else, but still he is moving closer.

'Killian.' The way she breathes his name is almost a sigh, it is so light and Killian thinks surely that the fragility in her voice will break his heart. 'I'm so glad you're here.'

It appears he is frozen again and he is sure he couldn't have replied even if his life depended on it. She is glad he's here?!

'Before you say anything Killian, before you storm away again, please just listen to me. I am so sorry for what I said to you, I didn't really mean any of it and- are you ok?' She is looking at him with those big beautiful green eyes filled with concern and this time he supposes that he looks exactly like the gawky idiot he is, but none of it matters because he knows his heart is about to burst from joy.

He doesn't say anything though, he just reaches down and kisses her and holds on for dear life.

 **A/N: And here is the 3** **rd** **chapter of** _ **A One Time Thing**_ **! I know this story is messy guys and a little hard to follow, but I really appreciate that you're still reading it so thank you! Please leave me a comment especially if you have any great ideas to make this story better! Minty xx**


	4. Chapter 4

Walls are tricky. Sometimes they can take a lot longer to bring down than they did to put up. She is struggling, and even though it has been nearly six months since that night in the bar and Killian hasn't run- she still worries. She still finds herself questioning why he is here and how he can love such a broken girl.

She hasn't told him of course. Why would she? Why would she let her doubts plague him if it isn't necessary? But sometimes she wonders whether it would be better if he knew. If he knew about how strong her anxiety could be so he could extinguish it. She knows he cares, he tells her every day, but sometimes it isn't enough. How is he to know that to her his words feel empty? It's not that she doesn't appreciate the sentiment (because she does) and it is not that she doesn't believe him (she really does believe him-or she wants to.)But that the orphan inside her wants to know whether she will ever really be enough. The broken girl wants to know that she is finally home and that this time it isn't going to be taken away from her.

She is sure that he would have words of comfort for her, that he would do anything to make her feel better, but somehow somewhere deep inside her that isn't enough. Her wounds run deeper than his words can reach. They don't comfort or reassure her or assuage her guilt and worry. And she has never felt worse in her life than keeping this from Killian. He has made her happier than she ever thought she could be, she just wishes she could shake the feeling that it's all temporary.

Emma has made him happier than he ever thought possible. She is wonderful and genuine and sweet and so kind to everyone she meets. Except perhaps her perps, he remembers fondly the night she let him tag along on one of her assignments. He has never been more proud of her than he was in the moment she took down the bastard who was letting his kids starve and he ex-wife work 20 hours a day whilst he himself lived in the lap of luxury.

He just wishes he could take the haunted look out of her eye. Even after all these years outside of the system she is lost and he can't seem to find her. He can't chase away the shadows and the cobwebs that still seem to inhibit her and spread the doubt that makes her feel so insecure, vulnerable and insignificant. He's going to keep trying though. One day he's going to reach her and make her see that she is perfect just the way she is and then maybe finally she will be able find some peace. Or he hopes she will anyway.

To reverse the damage of years of abuse induced both by herself and by others takes time. She understands this but for Emma it is taking longer than she ever thought possible. She is trying, so, so hard for Killian to be better, to be the person he deserves, but she just can't. She just can't let go of her past. Everywhere she goes she is haunted by the ghosts of her old life. They surround her every minute of her life, day and night. In her dreams her six year old self asks her if she is sure, if this man really wants her to stay or whether he is just using her for himself. Because one day he might get bored of his play thing and find another. In her waking moments she is still plagued by men from her 'easier' days. Her reputation still follows her wherever she goes. A stark reminder of how far she fell and how far back she still has to climb back up.

She loves Killian more than she has loved anyone else in her entire life. He has filled so many holes in her life with light and love and joy but something is just missing. Something is stopping her from enjoying it the way she should. There is a pane of bullet proof glass between her and her joy and she can't figure out why.

Killian has introduced her to Christmas. He has given her birthday a meaning it has never had before and she feels so loved. He has given her holidays she never even stopped to consider could have the slightest bit of importance or significance to her. Suddenly she has a reason to celebrate Easter, Valentine's Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving and any other holiday Killian can possibly think of a meaning for. But she still can't be happy. Not truly.

He is watching her as she fades rapidly away from him. She becomes so distant and so difficult to reach he begins to wonder if she was ever really there to begin with. He begs her to talk to him, begs her to tell him how to help her but her demons won't let her speak.

He begins to question all he's done for her. Has it really been enough? Is he really good enough for someone like her or would it be better to let her go? He loves this woman more than he loves anything else in his life, but he is so afraid he can't help her anymore. He is so afraid he has lost her already and she is now unreachable to him forever. She isn't in control of her life anymore, she is somewhere else and he can't help but wonder if this is his fault. Did he make her worse when all he wanted to do was make her better? What has he done?

He tries again and again. He begs and cries and even screams. But he cannot find her, his lost and broken girl.

She is gone.

He cries each night in defeat. You can't love someone who won't help themselves, is the mantra that's spinning around and around inside his head. She is trying though, he is sure of it. He just has to try even harder to help her. To help break her free of the prison she created to keep herself safe, because now all it is doing is suffocating her.

'Emma I'm going to help you.' He's had enough and he will not lose the best thing in his life because her self-confidence and sense of identity have been all but destroyed by years of abuse. He will not lose her because he isn't strong enough to help her through this. He will not let her demons, who are beginning to whisper in his mind too, make him question whether he is doing the right thing. He is sick of watching and sick of being unable to do a thing help her.

He'll just have to come up with a new strategy.

She finally snaps under the pressure. Both from within her head and from Killian. One day it culminates into a war with the darkness inside her head that she isn't sure she can ever win. She can no longer control her breathing, no longer think clearly and every decisions she makes, makes her more afraid she's made the wrong one.

'Can you help me feel something other than pain?'

At first he doesn't quite catch it she is so quiet, and he has to ask her to repeat it again. His shock and joy at finally getting through to her nearly overwhelm him. She is asking for his help. And it damn near breaks his heart all over again.

So this time they actually talk and this time she actually allows herself to be honest and shares all her fears and worries and theories. Something inside her has snapped beneath her exhaustion from her constant destructive inner monologue and it has lit a fire. That underlying stubbornness that has often made her difficult to get along with rears its head and overcomes her demons. Though for today they remain only dormant, not defeated.

'I will love you always and forever.' He almost doesn't mean to say it because he isn't sure if she is ready to hear it. But he needs her to know now and for forever that he isn't going anywhere.

She wants to say, 'yeah, right,' because no one else who's ever said that has stayed. But she bites back her response because she knows that isn't fair. He is trying so hard for her and her for him. Because he cares. As hard as that is for her to understand truly accept. He really does care.

They both accept her silence to his declaration of love. Baby steps after all.

She thinks maybe the first brick just fell out of her wall.

He sees a twinkle in her eye that wasn't there before and thinks maybe just maybe she might be on her way back to him.

It might be a small step but they both think they might just be making progress after all.

 **Hey guys, here it is the 4** **th** **chapter! Thanks so much for sticking with me and I'm so sorry that this chapter took so long to get out, but here it is! Please keep leaving me your lovely thoughts and comments in the reviews I just love hearing from each and everyone of you! Minty xx**


	5. Chapter 5

There is a sense of peace that accompanies the truth coming out. A cathartic moment when you hit the denouement and break through the untrodden ground and find what you were looking for. For Emma it is the day when Killian asks her to marry him. It accompanies the final realisation and acceptance that this is forever and she will never have to be lonely or alone again. Sure the commitment is daunting but maybe it's exactly what she needs.

She let go of the anger and resentment of her past that day when she and Killian talked. He helped her to see that there has to be a point where you let go, where you accept that people genuinely want to help you and don't necessarily have separate agendas or are merely pretending to care. You have to or your cynicism will carry you away from the world. It will isolate you and it will consume you. And it will never let go. In this sense the darkness is tempting because it is sometimes so much easier to harbour bitterness and resentment than it is to let go and find peace.

It is not always a permanent solution but with help from loved ones (or in Emma's case a particularly loved ONE) it can be possible to put the demons to rest and to be stronger than the most un-nerving of emotions.

Emma has become his bright spark again and he has never loved her more. Especially since in defeating her insecurities he has also vanquished his own. There is nothing standing between them anymore, they are equals in every sense of the word. Emma has lost her armour, she has accepted that she may never know anything about where she comes from and he couldn't be more proud of her.

That's why he finally summons the courage to ask her to marry him. Admittedly it had been a long time in the making. He had been dreaming about the moment he would finally ask her for months before he finally decided it was time. What was between them was special. Perhaps it would never be easy but together they would overcome their demons whilst fending off each other's. Emma was special and he would to hell and back for her if it meant never having to leave her.

She never thought that she would be the marriage type. In part because she never thought it would be possible that she could be loved enough by anyone for the situation to ever arise, let alone love anyone enough to ever consider accepting. But here she is in the very bar where they first met and Killian is down one knee and before she knows it she is crying and accepting and everything is perfect. And that moment Emma realises she would go to hell and back again if it meant that she could spend the rest of her life with this incredible man.

They keep the affair quiet. Whilst Emma, encouraged by Killian, has steadily but cautiously been mending her friendships, neither of them want nor need anyone else there. They are content to perform the ceremony on a quiet beach completely alone before sailing away for six weeks and ignoring the world completely.

Nothing in life is ever easy but Emma finds that she no longer hesitates to return the sentiment when he says 'I love you.' Not even in the quiet moments. She has found a kind of peace in learning how to rely on someone else, instead of simply just fending off your instincts. Emma never asked for the world but Killian has given it to her. Along with the moon, the stars and the sea. She always thought that trust meant weakness because other people can betray you so easily for their own self-interest, but not Killian, never Killian. Independence has always brought her enough satisfaction, but know she has learnt. And there is a magic in having a partner in crime that she never believed was possible. And he wants nothing but the best for her and, she in return finds that she would do anything in the world to return the favour.

Everywhere she goes, he follows. Every strange place or dingy hole her works takes her, he dives in head first after her. They spend weeks at sea in his ships and weeks at a time in crappy bars and cheap motels and it never bothers either one of them that they do not have the creature comforts of home, because they have each other.

Though some nights she still wakes screaming from her nightmares, from her lost childhood, lost innocence and sometimes the loss of him, she never gives up her belief in him, does not return to her isolation but remembers to share. She remembers to share her worries and her grief, she remembers not to shut him out because she cannot protect her heart from the person who owns it. And will not shield the worst parts of herself from him anymore because he makes them better. He takes her ugly cuts and bruises in the gentlest of touches and takes away the pain. She no longer shies away from the man who makes her life so good.

Life is perfect until Emma receives a summons to a town called StoryBrooke Maine.

But that's another story.

 _A/N: Alrighty guys that's it! Thank you for coming on this ride with me and I'm sorry there was such a large gap between the last two chapters, uni work got in the way of writing. I know I didn't really include the wedding scene but I did write one (including the vows) so if anyone wants to read it hit me up and I'll add it in as a sort of epilogue! As always please review and check out my one-shots, plenty more of those coming whilst I work on something bigger! Also seeking a beta if anyone is willing to help out?_


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